I haven’t been truly sick for AGES. I almost always have some allergy/sinus shit going on, but can’t remember the last time I felt this bad. And I haven’t had a fever of 101 degrees since I had the actual FLU back in 1996 or 1997. I finally got up this morning, took my temperature and it was normal. However I feel like I gave a shoulder-ride to a midget who squeezed my ribcage with steel toed boots for balance while he tried to skullfuck me with a wooden cock. I no longer feel dizzy, my vision is messed up from coughing so hard I think I may have had a mini stroke. I got zero sleep again last night.

I completely blame my illness on the Fucktards. I was fine up until Saturday. I had a very minor cough going on, but felt pretty normal. It wasn’t until Saturday afternoon I started feeling feverish and swimmy in the head. I’m sure it was all the stress that pushed me over the edge from walking the fine line of mild sinus irritation to full blown fuck you in the lungs illness. Just one more reason to write their names in lipstick on the my living room wall.

Could have been worse though. I called my mom to tell her about the recent goings on here, just in time to hear one of my nephew’s ralphing in the background. She said he’d been playing toilet jockey all day as well. I can at least say I wasn’t puking or shitting my brains out. That’s a blessing, because MJ’s humor is only good for so long, and we’ve already determined that having to clean up my bodily functions is a deal breaker for the both of us.