Fucky’s New Ride

About two weeks ago, we noticed a rental car in the parking lot. It was a nice, new SUV with Sirius radio and built in gps and all that shit. Later on in the day, we noticed that it seemed to belong to the Fucktards. Tee and I went to band practice, and when we came back, they had been out shopping. MJ had seen them come back with some shopping bags, which they took upstairs, and then later, brought back down and put them in the back of the SUV.

We have seen the Fucktards go on trips in the past. Number One Fucktard (or Fucky, as we affectionately call him) will bring his clothing down, sans suitcase, and put them in the trunk of his car, as is. Not even in a Kroger bag, which is Thumpy’s suitcase of choice. Some items are on hangers, but most of them are just stacked (not even folded, people, seriously) and he brings them down by the armful to lay carefully in the trunk of his ancient and medieval Caddy. After the shopping trip, MJ also saw Fucky and Fucky Jr. sitting in the car, probably trying to figure out the gps and whatnot. They didn’t go anywhere, but it was Friday, so we thought they must be planning to leave Saturday morning.

Only, they didn’t leave. They continued to fill the back up with clothing and whatever they could squeeze in there. We heard Thumpy doing laundry, but couldn’t figure out what she could be washing, since all their clothing seemed to be in the SUV. You’d think after 5 years, we wouldn’t let that crazy bitch rub off on us, but when they didn’t leave again on Sunday, we were going a little nuts trying to figure out just what the fuck they were up to.

On Monday afternoon, MJ and I were sitting here at our respective laptops, each doing “work”, when I heard the distinct voice of Thumpy. She was yelling at somebody. We can’t hear them talking normally, we can’t hear their television, or anything like that. (Thank God.) But if they start fighting, or if she’s just talking loud and standing in the right place, the sound travels through the air vent in the hallway ceiling, and down the hallway. I went in and stood under the vent to see if I could understand any of the words. Thumpy has a very low voice for a female, so even though I can hear the sound of her voice, I can’t always understand any actual words. However, sometimes I can. Again, it just depends on where she may be standing up there.

I couldn’t quite understand everything she was saying, but as I looked up at the vent I noticed some…uh….dust….in the vent. I went to the laundry room to get my step stool to clean the dust. I positioned it under the vent and stepped up on it. This gave me just enough height to….remove the dust. While I was…cleaning…I heard her say very clearly “I called the rental place and asked them if you rent a car for a week, and it doesn’t work out, can you bring it back, and she said yes.” I’m absolutely shocked that I was able to hear her say that, and find out exactly what was going on. Now, I have no idea where they were supposed to go, nor do I care, but at least it solved the mystery of why they rented a car, packed it full, and then went….nowhere. I got back down, but still overheard her telling someone to “Stop taking it out on her, it was their decision, she’s not the one”, through no eavesdropping effort of my own. It was yelled loudly enough that it was clear. This seemed to be a sore point for them for the rest of the week, because we heard several loud arguments break out after that. I was hoping it would result in one of them killing the other, but no such luck.

So, in short, they planned a trip, rented a car, packed it up, and it didn’t work out. They called the rental place to see if they could take it back early, and the answer was yes. Do you think they actually did that? Fuck no they didn’t. They let it sit there for the entire week, taking up premium parking space in the lot. The day they had to return it, Thumpy and Fucky Jr. took all their clothing out and put it in the trunk of Fucky Jr.’s Eclipse. The old man did the same, putting his clothes in his Caddy. He must have gotten them back out sometime at night when we weren’t in the living room, because I went out this morning to take Tee to school, and guess what was parked in Fucky’s regular parking spot?

An SUV with temporary tags. Fucky Jr’s car has also been missing for two days. The old man doesn’t seem like the SUV type, but I’m sure Fucky Jr. had some say so in what he bought. I guess if they own one, they don’t have to go out and rent one, then fight over it, and all I’ll have left to listen to is their bathtub butt trumpet. Joy.