I Swear, I’m Going to Back Straight Over That Bitch

Nigh on 6 months ago, I bought another car. That left me with an extra car that I needed to get rid of. It wasn’t worth a lot of money, but it was paid for. I didn’t think I could get much money for selling it, so I decided to dispose of it the best way I knew how, and that was to give it to someone who could use it. That person was Raymond. He wanted it, I didn’t need it, so I gave it to him. I have kept it in my name because he did not yet have a license. Or a job. We agreed that I would keep the car in my name, and on my insurance so he could learn to drive it (it’s a manual). He was having trouble finding a job with his mother’s restrictions (he couldn’t work late, he couldn’t work at a restaurant and it had to be within walking distance of their home because he’s not allowed to take the bus), and she wouldn’t pay for him to take the driver’s training that is required in this state for all driver’s under 18, which means he couldn’t get his license until then.

As the time got closer, I reminded Melissa that if Raymond didn’t find a job, he wouldn’t be able to keep the car. She kindly offered to sell the car and keep the money. (I’m obviously being sarcastic.) I know I wrote about this previously, but couldn’t find the post, so if you don’t remember that story then tough titty. It was about Melissa, you didn’t miss much anyway. Raymond would need a job to pay for his insurance, and he finally did get hired last month, and just recently got started working. We knew it would take some time for him to get into the payroll system, you know how that shit goes, so for his birthday we planned to give him enough money to pay for the test, as well as register the car and buy plates, etc.

When Raymond finally turned 18 last month, I again gently reminded Melissa that when my birthday rolled around in November, the tags would expire and I wasn’t paying $60 to renew it, and I would also be removing it from my insurance. She nearly combusted on the spot. She said that the DMV no longer loaned out cones for people to practice that part of the test, and she didn’t know what to do!!!! I’m thinking, deja fucking vu bitch, you said the same damn thing when I gave you the car 5 months ago. WTF. You forgot? I told her she better hurry up and find something that could substitute because the clock was ticking.

I knew she’d sit on her ass though, because that’s just what she does. She’s a triumphant ass sitter. However, she did manage to borrow some cones from a neighbor. I don’t know why that person has cones, but they do. I assumed that since she told me she’d found some, they’d be using them to practice, and we’d worry about Raymond learning to drive a stick at a later date. But, we all know what they say about people who assume shit……….they end up getting fucked somehow. (That is what they say, isn’t it?)

I had to get my own driver’s license renewed this year, and so it reminded me to ask Melissa when Raymond’s test was scheduled for. I figured she’d put it off to the last possible day because she’s a lazy asshole to give him the most time to practice. I texted her about it, and she said, and I quote,

Stupid Bitch: “He hasn’t gotten his first paycheck yet and he doesn’t have the money to pay for it.”

Oh no, you just didn’t fucking try that bullshit.

AJ: We just gave him the money for his birthday. And I know he has more than enough money saved in his bank account to cover it. That’s ridiculous that he’s still not allowed to spend his own money. He’s had 6 months to get this figured out.

Stupid Bitch: Ok, he does have the money, but do you have any idea how much it costs to insure an 18 year old?

AJ: Yes, I do, but that was the whole point in him having to WORK for the money to pay for it. How is he going to get to school next year?

He’s going to a local college, but his parents have forbidden him to take the bus, live on campus, or drive one of their cars. Seriously. That’s why I gave him the fucking car in the first place. They said it was HIS responsibility to figure out how to get there.

Stupid Bitch: He’s just going to drive my car.

So shocked I nearly pissed my pants. I guess she realized she didn’t have a choice.

AJ: That’s news to me. Why didn’t you tell me that BEFORE I wasted the money keeping it insured?

Stupid Bitch: I thought I did tell you.

AJ: If you had told me, I would have given the car to my mother, or my Aunt Cassie, who didn’t even have a car at the time.

Not only that, but why did she even take the car, and pretend he was going to get to drive it???? What kind of fucking game was she playing?

Stupid Bitch:…..Sorry.

Sorry, my ass. I was fucking livid, do you hear me? LIVID. Then while I was out running errands, she got Raymond to call me. I wasn’t here, but MJ said he didn’t want me to be upset with HIS MOTHER. She knew how fucking pissed off I was, so she tried to get Raymond to call and smooth things over with me. Well, I’m pissed at him too. He needs to reach down the front of his pants, grope around and see if he can find his fucking balls.