It’s Because I Fucking Hate You, Get It?

I can’t really say if my shitty attitude is due to everything that’s been going on for the past couple weeks, or if I’m just finally getting sick as fuck of Chatty Patty. I admit, that I can be kind to a fault. I’ve also discovered that I’m a moron as well. I’ve tolerated Patty’s shit for way too long now, and I think it’s time to end that.

I was at and practice the other night, enjoying myself, as I haven’t been there for several weeks, and hadn’t been there on a regular basis for the entire summer. My cell phone starts ringing, and as soon as I see Patty’s name on the screen, I groan and roll my eyes. I answered it. I didn’t want to answer but MJ had gone to the home owner’s association monthly meeting (which, by the way, they didn’t give jack and/or shit about the bedbugs) and the dog has got some serious issues with separation anxiety. We’ve been working on it, but if he knows we are really not home, he will bark incessantly. I was afraid he’d figured out we were all gone, despite our “trickery” and that Patty was calling to tell me that.

Instead, she wanted me to come over and play amateur entomologist. She’d found a bug of some kind on the kitchen floor and was in a panic over it. Even though she’d already killed it. She’s paranoid – and deservedly fucking so. I have lost ALL sympathy for her, especially since she refuses to tell us who has the mother fucking bedbugs. I let her know that I would not be able to come over because I was at band practice. She said she would be up until 10 pm, and that I could come over and identify the bug for her if I got home before that. (We got home at 10:45 pm, so sad, too bad. Bitch.) She then told me that I really hurt her feelings when I asked her if she had lice. I hurt HER feelings, because I asked a fucking idiot sitting on my couch, who was scratching her head, talking about treating her hair, and won’t tell me who she was exposed to that fucking has lice – and HER feelings are hurt??? You’ve got to be kidding me. Got to. Just unbelievable.

I’m positive my mouth was hanging open, because a friend of mine was standing there during this conversation, and was giving me a very strange look. Patty then says, “I would never say anything to you that would hurt your feelings like that.” Oh no? Do you recall any of the times you’ve come into my house, and with your saccharine sweet smile, made snarky little comments about how much stuff I have, or about my old furniture, my old carpet, how you can smell my cats through the fucking wall – so that shit wasn’t meant to hurt my feelings? Well, it didn’t, just so you know. I couldn’t give a rat’s ass what you think about how my unit looks. It didn’t hurt my feelings, but it pissed me off. If you think I live in such a shit hole, why why why do you keep fucking coming over here?

I should have said that, and at some point I just might do that. I don’t think she’s worth the effort. I simply said, “That’s nice. I have to go, I’m busy.” “Oh, well, just stop by when you get home.” Yeah, that’s going to happen, crackhead.

I expected her to come up to the patio when she got home, or to come over and knock on the door with her dead bug in a sandwich bag, but she didn’t. She’s funny like that. People keep telling me to just say whatever I think will piss her off, but she’s proven to me time and again that she just will not be pushed away, regardless of what you say or do to make her upset. I’ve hung up on her, I’ve ignored her calls, I’ve ignored her when she knocks on the door. Last time she was here before we went out of town, I yelled at her for banging on the plate glass door, and making the dog go spastic. She asked me what she was supposed to do then, and I told her to knock on my front door, like other people. I asked her if she fucking had LICE, and she still called me to whine about it. So obviously, she likes abuse. The woman across the hall who is friends with her has repeatedly done things to make Patty mad enough that she didn’t speak to her for weeks at a time, but she eventually gives in and goes back to being friends with her. And that chick has said some shit that would keep ME away for fucking ever. I don’t think there’s anything I can say to her that will get through to her. When I avoid her, she asks me if I’m “mad at her” when she finally catches up to me. No I’m not mad. I’m just going to leave a flaming bag of dog shit on your patio, but I do that for all my friends.