What the Fuck?

Shit. This is what happens when you get waaaaaaaaaaay the fuck out of a groove. I’ve spent my entire summer NOT blogging…..and that sucks. Sure, plenty of people take hiatuses (haitus’? hiatusii? wtf ever). But blogging to me has been the butter to my bread, the bacon to my heart attack, the fuck to my tard….you get the picture.

What the fuck have I been up to, you ask? Or not….maybe you don’t give a shit any more than I do…but in case you do, I’ve been doing diddly fucking squat.

That right there, is a bold faced lie. I’ve been busy as a (insert politically incorrect analogy here). No really. I’ve been dividing my time between working, driving my daughter back and forth to work, trying to memorize a bunch of bagpipe tunes….not having much luck on that front. I know I’m not technically old, but I don’t have the mind that some of the young folk in band have, and find myself jonesin’ for a gingko biloba cocktail when confronted with the idea of memorizing ANYTHING, much less entire sets of tunes.

My sister and my niece Alligator came up for a visit, and we spent some time in the PH (Price fuckin’ Hill, biotches), visiting with our parents. It was enlightening to say the least. We spent one evening at a local Catholic church festival, visiting with an old friend/neighbor and his kids. By the end of the evening, we learned from our little bro Donovan that his drunk, uneducated, unemployed, ungrateful, momma-titty-suckin ass – is a better parent than either of us. So poor, in fact, are our collective parenting skills, that we couldn’t take his children home to spend the night with us, because we are untrustworthy as parents. I leave you to bask in the glory of the level of speechlessness that only a fool such as he can impart on your brain.

I’ve also had my go-rounds with Chatty Patty. She has been an oozing sore on my ass all summer, and I shall regale you with tales involving her, I assure you. Tonight, I am just doing a sort of “get your feet wet again” montage, without the hairy details.

And then the glory hole of summer was getting to meet my internet idol, my heroine, my blogging paragon – Pamajama from Twisted Family Antics. She’s a Super Star in my book, and she’s just lucky we met in a public place. Despite my husband’s fears that SHE would kidnap ME, I fear the opposite would have been the real truth….